What Is Porn?

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What Is Porn?

7
Apr,2018

8

So I’ve been writing romance for a while now–gosh going on seven years–and one thing I’ve heard continuously is readers calling sex in my books and others porn. Now, I don’t know about others, because a LOT of those books are porn but no for the reasons believed, but I do know about my stories.

So what’s porn?

I truly never knew the answer to this question until I forced myself to sit through a couple of videos/DVD’s. Also, I got to know a few porn addicts as well.

So here’s the short of what I learned–porn is about POWER.

Period.

Not about intimacy or pleasure but POWER.

In a man’s case it’s power  over female sexuality. If you watch porn, then you’ll see that a bunch of degrading acts are being performed on a woman and she pretends as though she really likes them and wants them. There is a suspension of reality during porn sex. The man is pounding her rectum and she pretends as though it doesn’t hurt, nothing bleeds or rips either. She’s ingesting his body fluids as if she loves the taste of them. There is no intimacy taking place whatsoever. And when intercourse happens, it’s all about him pounding her, deriving pleasure from her at her expense. Even oral sex being performed on her is about a man’s ability to make her beg for HIM while in most cases he’s practically chewing her up down there.

So when I hear that my sex scenes are porn, I just shake my head. Personally, I am unable to write porn. I don’t have issues with power. My earlier work definitely has more sex in it but those interactions are about intimacy and pleasure derived by two people who are willing to give and experience each other unrestrained. Now, I’ve had a lot of evolving to do regarding deriving intimate connection beyond the act of sex but as far porn in the sense of deriving connection and satisfaction from power? No.

So if porn is power, then what is female porn? How is power over the opposite sex obtained by women?

How is a woman deriving pleasure from men at his expense?  Usually for women, a man becomes an emotional pawn instead of a sexual one. Sex has to be the act of dominating him, enslaving him. He suspends all reason, work and personal fulfillment just to make her happy. I mean like really, in Fifty Shades of Grey when did Christian Grey go to work to sustain his billionaire status? The hours one needs to put in to acquire and maintain success are tremendous. So is the attention to the work. In female porn a man unreasonably focuses on the women in order to bring her to state of complete fulfillment and sexual validation. That’s porn in romance.

And listen… If I’m going to write sex between my characters, then the act is going to be intimate and pleasurable. They’re going to take each other to some serious heights. She’s going to truly enjoy it and so is he. He will not degrade her. She will not have unrealistic expectations of him. In reality no one’s vagina, youth or looks are enough to sustain a healthy relationship. And no successful man in this world will have the TIME or attention span required to constantly worship and crave a woman’s beauty, youth and vagina (after all, that’s a dime a dozen). She’s got have her own thing going on.

So basically, to reiterate… Porn is not about intimate or truly pleasurable sex. Porn is about POWER.

8 Comments so far:

  1. Brandy Crosson says:

    I agree with you-100%. There are times (in other romance novels) where I feel like sex scenes are just that-sex scenes. They don’t add anything to the storyline or development of the characters. I do have a problem with that. But when a truly intimate scene is written, I give it the time of day, especially if it adds to the story. It irks me when too much domination is given to the male, with no regard to how a woman would truly react. It has been proven that for a relationship to work, it has to be built upon trust and mutual respect. If it is one-sided, even in the bedroom, it isn’t going to work.

    • Yep! And in real life if a guy is that domineering, then he is an emotionally and spiritually unwell individual and it’s going to take more than a woman’s vagina, prettiness, youth, sassiness or smarts to cure him. He has to do work on himself and be on the road to recovery WAY before she even comes into the picture. But I’ve learned over the years that women have a lot issues when it comes to using sex for power and validation as well–ant it’s so widespread. The romance genre market is a multi-billion dollar industry because of it. I love writing “LOVE STORIES” though, and making those work have their foundation in exactly what you said, “a relationship built upon trust and mutual respect.” 🙂 Thanks for commenting! Z

  2. Elaine says:

    Well said!
    You’re books aren’t porn, nor are other romantic novels.

    To a certain degree some novels out there focus too much on the periods of sex of the couples and therefore the storyline suffers due to that.

    Your books have a solid backbone in them which displays a level of intimacy and a fantastic storyline.

    If people ate your books are porn they haven’t read them!

  3. Heather says:

    Wow…I’m not sure what inspired this, and I do believe sex in romance books tends to be a bit exaggerated, but porn..absolutely not! The solution to this debate is read what you like..if the subject matter is too much for you close the book. Though your books do have quite a bit of sexy times I would never categorize them as porn. I felt you explanation was spot on! Well said Girlie!

    • 🙂 I’ve been wanting to make this post for a while and an author friend and I were having this discussion about it earlier today and so I thought, let me just write the post. I do think it’s not fair to call even most erotica porn, because at least the woman is deriving real pleasure from the act and is not being purposely debased and devalued in order to empower the man.

  4. Ashley Aleshire says:

    I love this. Everytime someone says I am just reading porn because… Romance novels… I want to throat punch them. I love sex in my books but it’s because of the story!!! Well said!!