I think I’ve nailed it!
Why last year while living in Claremont, CA I could easily write 3k words a day.
I had space!
See, my apartment was cozy, I had air conditioning and you know what, I lived in a place where you hardly even see anyone in the laundry room!
So today, I didn’t leave my apartment because I can’t write outside in this city. I think, no I know, I pinpointed the problem!!!!
The LACK of space.
See, let me tell you how it works in this city, no Potemkin Village (it’s not a city).
Here’s Southern Cali:
When I go to a yoga class early arrivers fill up the floor. I sit over here, she sits way over there, he sits way back there, and so and so on, only the late people are forced to get close to someone. That’s what arriving early is all about SPACE!
I come into the yoga class, she comes into the yoga class and unfolds her mat right next to me!!!! And all of this space is just there, untaken by her because she’s plopped her &&&*T#@*(T next to me!!!! And then one comes in behind me, an then there’s all that space still sitting there. Then I get up and go into that space, because I’m like screw it. And then the next person comes in and plops down beside me!!!
And I have given up. I’m thinking, this is a cultural thing. Like I told my mom, I’m in THEIR town. I’m the squirrel! and I’m doing the right thing by GETTING OUT OF IT. Because I’ll never be able to conform.
Same thing at the coffee shop. There’s this lack of attention to personal space and privacy. I was sort of happy the last time I went to a coffee shop because it happened to be at an hour that it wasn’t that full inside but about an hour later, they ALL arrived but instead of filling up the area where there was SPACE, they all just sat around me!!!! I mean, literally behind me! Finally I just twisted to one side and then the other, looked out at all the empty seats, felt crowded, packed up my things and itched for the day the movers come take my stuff so I cold fly back home where I can have some space.
I don’t know… There’s something to how all these people are so comfortable, crowding around each other. There’s a ideology behind it.
It’s so funny though. I’ve been writing literally ALL DAY. But don’t think that I’ve gotten five thousand words in or something because I didn’t. Even while in this apartment, I feel crowded. I can feel the aggravating energy buzzing all around me. Down in the lobby the doors are constantly opening and closing, the common spaces are constantly attended, the sidewalks are constantly walked on, the restaurants and coffee shops and bars that surround me are always packed and even at 1:30AM I had to close my windows because the unsophisticated drunk 20 year olds are hooting from the rooftop! But at 2:00AM it all settled like the dust after a windstorm.
It’s me, I felt space and I could write. And let me tell you, it felt so good. Almost as good as Selell and Lifeblood sex 😉
It’s 4:50AM now and I must go to bed. I will keep doing this, finding the silence, the space to write, until I hand in my keys no matter what. I may have to find the night tomorrow, well today… I wonder if I should just go on a mini-vacation to a quiet place next week so that I can properly finish this book….
Peace and Goodnight (I mean morning).