Up Late or Early, Reading Again…

The book is still “What Remains” by Carole Radziwill.

I think I mentioned that I was reading this before but I got curious about her backstory after watching The Real Housewives of New York the past season. I mean, I was like, what’s all this “Princess” business about, who’s this “Prince.”

Plus, she was a very interesting kind of person. Like, you could see that she really didn’t fit in to the franchise’s normal group of stock characters, you know. She was WAY, too sane. I mean– WAAAAY Too, SANE.

It was so funny because she alway came off as voyeuristic to me. She would share some things that were real to her but in a very quiet way. I found that interesting. It was like, she knew, her issues were far too serious for THAT crowd and there’s no use in seeking understanding for them because Luanne, Romana and the other hot messes are too self-centered and silly to empathize with her kind of issues. I mean in their mind, it’s like–“well, at least you got to be a princess out of the deal.” (Except, Heather. I think she signed up to be the bouncer… LOL!!! You know though, the voice of reason…)

Anyway… Not knocking them though. There’s a segment of the population, and it’s usually those who would sign up for such a crazy thing as having their lives taped everyday for the world to view, who are just like that. They have a certain egocentrism. They really don’t see their own imperfections, so they wouldn’t think  you would see them either. Because, heck, they don’t have any! And I must admit, they provide a multitude train wrecks to keep people like me–another voyeur–watching. But all I kept thinking while watching Carole Radziwill take on the CRAZINESS that’s the The Real Housewives of New York is dang, I wish I were brave enough to accept that opportunity, even if that opportunity was offered. I mean, mustering up the will to participate in their trivialities for more than 24 hours would be a chore for me. Because, once I’ve absorbed it once, then I’m done and ready to move on.

Anyway…

I just wanted to read this book and so I ordered it off Amazon–the Kindle version and am reading it on my iPhone.

Forgive me if I’m repeating myself. I think I said this in an earlier post.

However, I’m nearly 50% through the book–and again it’s ALMOST–too long. Like, barely touching on being too long. I think I’ve only eye-edited about 5% of what I’ve read–which is really good for her! LOL! It was a lot of the back story about where she grew up and all the people she grew up with. I thought that part was too long BUT I got it, so….

And I don’t know how I got to this point but it’s 3:15AM and suddenly I’m experiencing Cancer with her. And it’s sad and just already knowing the outcome makes it that more tragic. But it’s more than that–I can feel her frustration with her husband for not taking it as serious as she did. But more than that–after watching her general disposition during the TV show, I sort of buy it. I don’t think I would buy it if I hadn’t watched the show. Like, I’d probably think–heck she knew he was sick and she married him anyway–I would accuse her of wanting the title, no matter how she spun it (as you can see, I’m certainly not immune to being judgmental). But Carole Radziwill displayed this sort of timid, pleasing and needing to please demeanor on the sow. I can see how not wanting to be disagreeable got her to say, I do. And how love got her to pretend to be delusion for his sake. It’s very difficult for me to do that–but it’s the best way to keep the peace.

Anyway… I’m done reading for the day (yesterday).

My sisters visited me this weekend so I got no writing done but it was good to be with them. You know what’s crazy. I sort of panicked about thirty minutes ago, when I got to the part where Anthony had a lump in his stomach. She says in the book–“this was the first time I felt the lump in his stomach.” Or something like that. My sister has a lump in her stomach. She’s had it for about year as far as I know. They doctor seem to can’t tell her what it is. And I’m getting worried. I’m even more worried now! She has two boys. My lovely, lovely nephews and I would hate for anything to happen to her. They NEED her. I’m a Virgo and she’s an Aquarius. Her patience for my interference and pushiness has long grown thin in relation to me. And, I’ve finally learned  valuable Virgo taming lessons one of them is to let people live their lives, make their own decisions–just as I make mine. For instance, I rarely eat red meat. Because of all the information I’ve gathered over the years. I put one and one together and come up with answers. I think if you eat something that’s been injected with growth hormones, then I become injected with them. (Shrugs) Thus, I only purchase organic meats, and I realize that I’m blindly trusting that the meat is actually free of antibiotics and hormones.

I don’t drink sodas. My sisters were frustrated because I don’t have sugar in the cupboards because I don’t add sugar to my coffee or teas. I didn’t drink coffee for a LONG time. I’m back on it but I think I should get off of it again. But I don’t drink a lot of it so… I don’t drink juice. I have a sugar addiction (candy, cookies and so forth) but I don’t I buy it. Well, every now and then I do.  However, I’ll wait to visit my mom’s house and she may make a pie or cake or something.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is–these are the choices I make for myself because they make me healthier. I think about things deeply before I engage in them. I’m good physical condition because I don’t think going harder is necessarily the best way to get results. It’s going smarter. Whenever I do certain workouts, I pay attention to how their affecting my body, inside and out.

That’s who I am. The TOTAL and complete OPPOSITE of my sisters. And they see that whatever I do works for me. But it’s just too much, too deep for them to ascribe to. I would NEVER, let that lump remain in my stomach without knowing EXACTLY what the heck it is–and then without getting it TAKEN OUT. I’d have another SCAR on my body. I’m unable to live in chosen oblivion.

So as I was reading about Carole Radziwill’s husband’s lump, I went through a number of reactions. First, I cranked up the computer again (as I shut off of the evening to read) and searched “lump in the stomach.” It all kept saying, Cancer, Cancer… Then, I looked up how much will it cost to order tests. Her health insurance sucks–or the doctors in her network suck. I would shell out the last of my, last dollar to get her a diagnosis she can move forward with. So, I kept thinking of ways to convince her to see a doctor of my choice and let her know that I already paid for it, knowing all along this would sit well with her.

Because… I realized, I was being the irritating Virgo that she’s grown frustrated with over the years. Everyone does not accept the good place that you come from–and she’s one of them. She sees all that want to do for her as me criticizing her about what she’s not doing for herself. HOWEVER– I just have to find a way to get somebody else to hound her! 😉 Like… MOOOOOM!

And I’ve already gotten the ball rolling. Come hell or high water, she WILL get that lump taken care.

Anyway–I’m still reading the book. But gosh, I feel kind of sad. It’s a sad story for sure–made even more tragic by the fact that I watched her be a REAL person on a show full of Caricatures.

Geesh–what am I even saying anymore

It has gotten too late.

Going to bed.

Excuse the typos.

Peace.

Z