Growing Up… Subtle… verrrry subtle…

Like there’s this shift that I’m experiencing. And I had to write it out. Capture it here in writing.

Okay… raise your hand if you have an addiction to Hautelook and Ideeli… oh and for everything that you can’t find there or have found there but was sold out… so now you look to see if there’s more on…

(Hand raised)

So… basically clothes triggered this thought process that’s churning in my head.

I’ve been noticing these little changes in me lately. For instance, I thought I’d live on distressed blue jeans and Victoria Secrets v-necked tee shirts for the rest of my life!

Of course, I’ve always had the addiction to dresses… And the good thing is now I’m trying on some of my old stuff and new, and they’re starting to look good enough on me. I know… Crazy. We are our worst critics. And um, I allow myself to be self critical in this matter, it’s a matter of taste. Me appealing to me…

I digress.

And of course, I mean… I still prefer my cut off denim shorts and that tee shirt I mentioned up top with a pair of gladiator sandals on a nice warm day.


But what I’m saying is… after combing through my closet earlier, I felt that the ripped skinny jeans should be a thing of my past. I look at them and think, either the style has finally run it’s course or I’m just too dang old for them. OR, maybe I FINALLY care how I appear to all these professional men that are in my general environment on a daily basis. I mean, I don’t want to wear them around those guys. I want to look serious. Grown up. I mean, I wear the bangs hair style and it really does instantly shave 20 years off me. So, I don’t want to get glared at by 20 year old boys anymore. I want the MEN to take me serious. I never cared about that until now.

I feel like a different WOMAN! I mean… I still haven’t embraced high-heels. I just bought a pair of Mary Janes not to0 long ago, which I can wear in the event that life demands it. And, since I walk almost everywhere I need to go, comfortable shoes are required. However, the weather is changing. It was chilly downtown San Diego yesterday. I was surprised by the nippiness. I walked down to Starbuck’s first down the street but it was closed so I had to go a few blocks south down to the one  in the Gaslamp and I was the only dressed for the Summer weather!  However, I did buy two pairs of booties off of yesterday. I thought I’d be able to use my gift certificate but I couldn’t online because it wasn’t the type with a pin number on the back of it. BUT, by the time I did all the shopping and selecting online, I couldn’t just delete them out of the shopping cart. I had already put all the hours into discovering them.

Anyway… those shoes have a heel on them. And all I can think about is how grownup they are.  But the thing is, I have a couple of grown up pairs in my closet right now! Hmmm… I hope I’m ready to the wear them. I think I’ll put them on tomorrow.

And on top of everything I just said, last night I’m on the phone with one of my good friends. We’re the same age. And let me tell you, we’ve gone Gen X’er willy nilly over the years. You know, the no pressure–I reject the nuclear family and all it stands for kind of Gen X’er. So we read the natural impulses to partner as a societal mind screw. Get it. Which of course isn’t but it’s easy to be cynical. Grown up to admit that being so is immature. So, he’s finally saying things like he’s ready to marry and have children. 4 years ago, he said, he didn’t want children! But not only that, he’s backing it up by starting a master’s program in January and thinking about getting his PHD and a real career. He’s smart as heck. And I can actually picture him as a father. He’d be a good one. A wise one. He’s lived as an independent soul. And he’s a natural born teacher. I learn lessons from our conversations every time we have him. He’s an Aries. Good friend. I think he’s going to one day get what he wants. Because that change in him is subtle but THERE.

But it’s just funny that we’re both the same age and here at the same time. Like, I don’t want what he wants. What I want is a LOT harder to obtain. But it’ll find me on the road, the path that I’ve chose to take.  I used to live off of this part of The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost..

“I shall be telling this with a sigh, Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”



I started on that road as a child, then a young lady, then a lady and now I’m on it as a woman.

And let me tell you… It’s beautiful…