MY Work

Project Confusion…

So.

Sigh….

I’ve already announced that I’m writing a contemporary romance at the moment. And the concept is pretty good and all… But… Yep. I’m not feeling it.

I’m not feeling anything but the Benel Sisters and their plight from book seven on out and my obligation to Misty Black–which I know I’ll fall in love with all over again once I get back into the series.

For starters the book that I’m writing is titled Resigned to Love. Basically, all the decisions Crinoline Drake makes on the day she’s determined to hand in her letter of resignation change her life forever.

The problem is I don’t like beating around the bush. I like to get right to the nuts and bolts of the story–keep it moving. I feel like that’s not happening with this next book. Something or someone has gotten into my head, I think. The problem is I don’t know who or what–I can’t even identify what the issue is, all I know is that it’s slowing me down. It’s making me want to cling on to what I already know.

Does that make sense?

(Long thoughtful pause)

I don’t know, now that I’ve written this, I think it’s best that I finish this book up. Push myself because my motto is, “You can’t get there unless you push yourself.” And you can’t push yourself unless you want to get there. And I think, when I write the words, THE END, the payoff is going to be astronomical.

I just have to break through this mental barrier first.

What is it???

Maybe it’s the characters. The one’s I see in my head. It could be the male lead. The female is fine. But people are more than what they look like, right??? I mean, I’m nothing like what I look like! BUT. I have a background and who I am now is comprised of how I reacted to the core of belief systems. Does that make sense?

For instance, I’m from a family of mostly women. My mom and dad divorced when I was three. My mom has three sisters that she’s extremely close to and brother who passed away a few years ago. And then, most of my first cousins on my mother’s side are females.  We weren’t socialized to be pretty for boys. I wore pigtails all the way up until I was 15 and didn’t even kiss a boy until I was 17 (I think). I didn’t wear make up until the 11th grade I think. And that was only eyeliner, eyeshadow and lipstick. We weren’t socialized to “mate” either. It was quite the opposite, actually. Of course biology and life taught me otherwise but I do think my beginnings made love a very romantic notion for me. What I mean by that is, it’s all heart and emotions for me, it isn’t driven by necessity. One of my ambitions have never been to have a husband or children. I wanted to be a sports report, lawyer, journalist and writer but never a wife or a mother. BUT… falling in love is simply a pleasure to me.

Humph….

I wonder if my mental block stems from the fact that I don’t really believe in it in real life. 🙁

My God. That’s it. I can write Parched because I can believe in it in a supernatural way. If you’ve read the series, then you’ll understand what I mean by that. But in real life????

I don’t buy it.

I think that’s my problem!

But here’s the deal. Can I find enough respect for Crinoline’s background to write her the way she truly is? She’s a woman who had to be mindful of wanting the husband and children. She’s aware of where she fits in the hierarchy of beauty–and that effects her on a daily basis. She’s plain, but why did she make that decision? Because even if she tried a little, she would be a blossoming rose.

Why? Why? WHY?

Sigh…

And now back to work.  (Sighs… I think) I still have this mental block–but I’m going to relax, close my eyes and let Crinoline tell me WHY?

(Oh, and I’m not saying that I have an aversion to the husband and the kids and all of that. Although I do have a problem with those people who say, “I want three kids” or “four kids” or whatever the number is before they even had one, or before they’re even married. The thing is, I’ve worked with children all my life. My first job was in my uncles Day Care and then I worked at his group home years later while in College. I’ve learned a lot about children. I’ve learned that they come into this world needing every single BIT of their parents. They’re more than just objects or symbols. A parent has to be wise in many aspects. They have to be the epitome of humility too. They have to be good listners. They have to PAY ATTENTION. And they have to be mature enough to not take it personal. And the “I” pronoun has to be their least used word.  And they have to know that every child is different and you have to NURTURE them into discovering the GIFTS that God gave them. And there are no days off.  This lasts 19 years, 365 days of the year (they HAVE to go to college, not going is NOT AN OPTION). But  a person who knows this and still wants to have child before married or even having one, is UNSELFISH and should have one or many, and bless the Earth with fantastic human beings. Well, and the husband part–well, you know, the wrong guy can destroy your peace of mind! LOL! When I used to visit my sister before she was married, her place was always clean and quiet and FRESH. Now that she has a husband, the TV is too loud and you can always hear him making all this noise. It’s like he’s everywhere. In every crevice. I told her, that he would drive.me.CRAZAYYYYY… Not Crazy but CRAZAY.)

Anyway. Thought I should make that clear. I’m by no means taking some sort of superior posture. I hate when people do that, and that’s not me. I LOVE to happy marriages (usually involves two unselfish people) and happy kids (usually involves two unselfish parents.) That’s all!

Peace.

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