MY Work

What Is Porn?

So I’ve been writing romance for a while now–gosh going on seven years–and one thing I’ve heard continuously is readers calling sex in my books and others porn. Now, I don’t know about others, because a LOT of those books are porn but no for the reasons believed, but I do know about my stories.

So what’s porn?

I truly never knew the answer to this question until I forced myself to sit through a couple of videos/DVD’s. Also, I got to know a few porn addicts as well.

So here’s the short of what I learned–porn is about POWER.

Period.

Not about intimacy or pleasure but POWER.

In a man’s case it’s power  over female sexuality. If you watch porn, then you’ll see that a bunch of degrading acts are being performed on a woman and she pretends as though she really likes them and wants them. There is a suspension of reality during porn sex. The man is pounding her rectum and she pretends as though it doesn’t hurt, nothing bleeds or rips either. She’s ingesting his body fluids as if she loves the taste of them. There is no intimacy taking place whatsoever. And when intercourse happens, it’s all about him pounding her, deriving pleasure from her at her expense. Even oral sex being performed on her is about a man’s ability to make her beg for HIM while in most cases he’s practically chewing her up down there.

So when I hear that my sex scenes are porn, I just shake my head. Personally, I am unable to write porn. I don’t have issues with power. My earlier work definitely has more sex in it but those interactions are about intimacy and pleasure derived by two people who are willing to give and experience each other unrestrained. Now, I’ve had a lot of evolving to do regarding deriving intimate connection beyond the act of sex but as far porn in the sense of deriving connection and satisfaction from power? No.

So if porn is power, then what is female porn? How is power over the opposite sex obtained by women?

How is a woman deriving pleasure from men at his expense?  Usually for women, a man becomes an emotional pawn instead of a sexual one. Sex has to be the act of dominating him, enslaving him. He suspends all reason, work and personal fulfillment just to make her happy. I mean like really, in Fifty Shades of Grey when did Christian Grey go to work to sustain his billionaire status? The hours one needs to put in to acquire and maintain success are tremendous. So is the attention to the work. In female porn a man unreasonably focuses on the women in order to bring her to state of complete fulfillment and sexual validation. That’s porn in romance.

And listen… If I’m going to write sex between my characters, then the act is going to be intimate and pleasurable. They’re going to take each other to some serious heights. She’s going to truly enjoy it and so is he. He will not degrade her. She will not have unrealistic expectations of him. In reality no one’s vagina, youth or looks are enough to sustain a healthy relationship. And no successful man in this world will have the TIME or attention span required to constantly worship and crave a woman’s beauty, youth and vagina (after all, that’s a dime a dozen). She’s got have her own thing going on.

So basically, to reiterate… Porn is not about intimate or truly pleasurable sex. Porn is about POWER.

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